How do you get kids to grow up & dump the chip face THEIR probs let Mom live for a change. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I raised 5 kids bad situation.husband drinker.physical & emotional abuse.I kept fam together did it all.husb has grown sees his errs.try to fix married 25 yrs I was diagnosed & disabled in 2000 Recent prog I am dieing. TIme left? Hes been there 4 me but says hes following his "Vows" sounds like pitty to me.Thats nt prob.Prob I have are kids! WHEN DO THEY GROW UP! TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY? THOW DO I GET THEM TO STOP BLAMEnCOME 2ME THEY ND TO LIVE THEIR LIFE SO I CAN LIVE WHAT REST MY.They come to me w their probs want money or MOM to fix. Dad puts iton me.If I dont Im blamed=hello guilt.Try stand ground I fall I beat self up.I say no they do not hear they come back.I mvd fm CA to IN to get away. My son if he wldv listnd 2 husb&I he wld nt b face serious legal trbl Hes being wronged my kids n husb expect me to fix I put up major $ time etc Shldnt' hv hap if he wld hv listened Kids ask me 4 hlp I gve advice no1 takes then I get a mess to clean up say no husband n kids push me I CANT DO NO MORE